“Can I just get you a candy sucker engagement ring and be done with it?”
The mister and I had a fairly frank discussion about our relationship the other night and he surprised me by revealing the reason why we’re not engaged yet: he doesn’t have the money he needs to buy the engagement ring he wants me to have. I was taken aback, mainly because I figured the reason we weren’t engaged yet was because of our distance.
During this discussion, he proposed the above question and informed me that I was NOT to eat the candy ring. I scoffed. I don’t NOT candy [mmm, double negative much?]. It’s physically impossible. Ask any bag of Haribo Gummi Bears if I’m capable of not eating them. Oh, you can’t. Because I already ate them. Exactly.
I did take the time to seriously think about his question. There are several types of romantic people who would be elated to receive a candy ring pop or a piece of string to stand in for their engagement ring because they just love their partner so much, all the shiny bling just doesn’t matter; it’s just the proverbial icing on the cake. After all, it is the meaning behind the words that is the most important, not some shiny bauble.
Upon further reflection, I came to realize that I am not one of those people.
I want an engagement ring.
I absolutely, positively love this man and can’t wait to hear the words he chooses when he asks me to become his wife. Sure the engagement isn’t in the ring, but it is a symbol of that commitment. I don’t care if it’s the fanciest ring, I just want a ring.
Why is it so important for me to have something that doesn’t make me any more engaged than we already are?
It’s not about having a ring to show off to company, or even one that shows the world how much he loves me, because I don’t correlate his worth to the size/price of my ring. I love and adore my promise ring. Every time I look at it, I’m reminded of the day he gave it to me [St. Patrick's Day, to be exact]. I remember helping his best friend find an interview outfit and him calling me over to browse through some rings. I remember trying it on and being pushed away so he could make the final purchase. I remember trying not to smile while he led me to the couches in the middle of the mall so we could sit. I will admit that I don’t remember exactly what he said, but that ring became a symbol of our future commitment to become husband and wife. And that is why I want an engagement ring, so when I look at it, I’ll remember the moment he asked me to become his wife, and when I look at my wedding band, I’ll remember the moment I became his wife.
That is why I want an engagement ring.
Why did you want, or not, an engagement ring?
in my non-planning life, i’m an avid sports fan. so avid that the boy likes to joke that when i come home, i’ll have to “wash the baseball” off of me before i can cuddle with him. how is it that the sports fanatics almost always end up with the non-fanatics?
anywho, the point of this. i was reading espn.com’s page 2 today and came across patrick hruby’s list of “20 things that make you look like a sports doofus” and was amused [and validated] when i came across this item:
7. Proposing via JumboTron
Dubious behavior: Popping the question on the big, big, big screen before 20,000 of your closest nonfriends.
Doofus factor: As tall and wide as the University of Texas’ “Godzillatron,” the second-biggest hi-def video board in the Western Hemisphere. Consider: You’re shoehorning an otherwise romantic moment into a context of chain gangs and drunken tailgating. You’re putting her on the spot in an aggressive, borderline-creepy way. You’re risking epochal failure if she says no. And for what? To make a “creative” proposal that’s actually clichéd? To live out the climax of a Drew Barrymore movie? When Karl Marx said history repeats itself — first as tragedy, then as farce — he wasn’t actually talking about JumboTron proposals. But only because televisions had yet to be invented.
Suggested solution: There’s nothing wrong with a candlelit dinner at a nice restaurant. Or skydiving.
Mitigating circumstances: If you are: (a) working as a scoreboard operator, (b) filming a scene for a Barrymore film or (c) dating the team mascot, then all bets are off.
Related behaviors: Using the team mascot to advance your romantic life in any way.
as a sports fan, i say THANK THE GOOD LORD. seriously, i’ve always been bugged by in stadium proposals. i don’t really see the inherent charm in being proposed to on a jumbotron. this is one woman’s opinion.
i told the boy that under no circumstances is he to propose to me at a sporting event. nope, no way, no how. i’m going to be to involved in the game to want to have to pay attention to something else, and usually i’m annoyed when i am bothered [though i have gotten better at that] plus i really want that moment to be just the two of us because i have a strong feeling i’m going to be a hot mess when it does happen and i don’t want to breakdown in front of several hundred strangers. no sir, not me.
and i LOVE being the center of attention.
that said, i also want to be able to enjoy the moment and i’m not going to be able to surrounded by several hundred people. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again and again, i want to relish in that moment for as long as humanely possible before revealing it to the world. i want it to be our little secret, even if only for a night.
but to each their own. some people find the stadium proposal to be perfectly utterly them and love the idea. but i think the proposal should be a reflection of the couple and since we don’t share the same level of sports enthusiam, this would be more me than anything else. i want a proposal that speaks of him as well, whatever that may be.
i don’t imagine how it’ll be. i leave that up to him and i’m sure it’ll be perfect for us.
before i left for the christmas break i was doing my best to convince a friend of mine that i wasn’t getting engaged. i distracted her by postulating that if anything should happen, it would only be us looking at engagement rings [i was right!]. she seemed shocked at first because she thought i’d be ruining the surprise of my ring.
to be honest, i don’t care much. the ring is a wonderful gift and symbol of our intent and commitment to each other and there was the fact that i still wouldn’t know what the ring would ultimately look like; but for me, what i really want to be surprised by is the proposal.
i don’t have any kind of dream proposal; the bf can design that any way he sees fit whether by a big grand gesture or a small subtle one, either way is fine. i’ve always looked forward to what would be said before finally dropping to a knee and proposing [okay, so i did have a bit of a dream proposal…the knee thing. i’m sure the bf can humor me]. i can only imagine what’s going to be said: will he be nervous? will something go wrong? will he rush through his words? forget to say something? i’m sure he’ll take the time to be ultra romantic and sentimental. will he tear up? will i cry?! will i be upset at something completely random and unrelated? will i suspect it’s happening before it happens? will i believe it’s happening? will i grin like a maniacal cat the entire time?
and what about afterwards? will we keep looking at each other with wonder and disbelief and pure happiness? will we be able to stop kissing? will we giggle at each other? will we make the stupid silly jokes that we do now? are we going to be two complete dorks about it [in a word: yes]? will i ruin the moment and say something along the lines of, “haha, you’re really stuck with me now. sucker!”
knowing me? that’s a huge possibility. hey, i’ve done it before. in front of company no less.
the only stipulation i’ve made about the proposal was that it didn’t happen in public. personally, i’m not big on the proposals with other people around, even my own family and friends. i love them but i’d rather save the celebration for later. this is a moment that i want for just the two of us. and that says something because i love being the center of attention. i do think it’s so nice when people get engaged with family and friends present but it’s just not for me. i don’t want to share that moment with anyone but the bf. what i really want to do is just sit back and enjoy that moment with him and i don’t feel like i’d be able to fully do that if other people surrounding me. i don’t want to risk being taken out of the moment too soon because you really only have that moment to relish. you can’t make up for it later. and if i do end up crying, which i suspect might happen, i definitely don’t want to have people present for that spectacle.
but in it all, the proposal afterglow is such a fragile, fleeting moment that i want to cherish it for as long as possible. the ring? yes, i’ll look at that lovingly and that’ll be the tangible memory of that moment, but it’s the story of the proposal that i’ll be sharing with everyone.
after all, i helped picked out my promise ring. was it any less special because i knew he was buying it for me [he actually pushed me away so he could make the purchase]? no, not in the slightest because while i don’t quite remember what he said when he finally gave it to me, i know that i couldn’t stop grinning and my heart melted.
into a puddle in the middle of the mall.