It was an interesting read, and I’m very glad to know that the bf is definitely my “Knight” but once I was done reading, I happened to notice the ads in the sidebar. Those ads randomly generated by Google based upon your email.

Even the Google wants us married.

Now I’m getting marriage hints from my email. Fantastic.

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

There are several examples of love that I cling onto. This will be one of them.

I’m not sure when I first started watching “My Fair Wedding with David Tutera” but I kind of enjoy watching his show. Sometimes he is so absolutely out of his element when dealing with some of his brides that he can’t even hide is disbelief and shock. Surprise an excitable bride to be and WHOA! David totally was not ready for that jumping hug screech and he looks like he’s scared but trying not to look scared. And that cracks my butt up.

You can tell that he really cares about giving each bride a wonderful wedding, that he takes the time to choose elements that they will like [he almost always ends up picking the choice the bride likes the most anyway] and would do justice to the themes that they have created themselves. I like how he doesn’t really change the overall theme but merely adds his professional touch to polish things and really pull the look together; from sophomoric to sophisticated. Actually, my favorite part is the beginning of the show when they sit down and do the big reveal of the current wedding plans and David tries not to vomit all over the place because he’s deathly allergic to the tacky.

As much as I enjoy seeing the big reveal at the end of the show, I do have a few misgivings with David. Firstly, where is the groom?! I find myself worried about the groom’s absence during the taping. David briefly meets with the groom at the welcome before ushering him out the door and then there’s nary a reference to him until the wedding day. This really bothers me because my personal response is that I want the mister to be just as involved in the wedding details as I am, even if it’s just to get a yea or nay from him. I don’t want to banish him to some holding cell until it’s time to get married and have him brought from his crate.

This ideology was really apparent in the “Diva Bride” episode. The original theme was, arguably confusing: Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Mardi Gras [um, yeah].

But the end was something completely different. It morphed into a display of “me, me, me.” All I saw were pictures of the bride and her bridesmaids all over the venue and nothing that really said much to the couple’s relationship and marriage. While it was a beautiful wedding, it felt very hollow to me.

Second, David is a champion of the “WIC” and so sometimes outside the box ideas that sound perfectly fine does not compute in his mind. I was sad that he was so against Nicki’s desire to wear her cowboy boots with her dress. I thought it looked fine and have seen plenty of brides sporting cowboy boots with their wedding dresses, the beautiful Mrs. Cherry Pie for instance. Yet David recoiled at the mention and you could tell it was painful for him to let her wear them in the end.

I don’t know, but a lot of his weddings look similar to me as well. Granted, he definitely has an aesthetic, which makes sense because that is why you hire a David Tutera [or a Colin Cowie for that matter] but sometimes I feel like I lose the sense of the couple in the final result. The original idea is stretched and preened and revised so much that it’s hard to pick out the original soul of the couple within the elaborate designs and displays.

Having David resculpt my wedding is an intriguing proposition but I don’t really want to know how he would inevitably improve upon my ideas. I don’t want to dismiss the mister from the wedding planning. I want it to be a joint effort, even though he’ll probably just say, “whatever you want.” Can you tell I just rolled my eyes there? Because I did. That reply is so not going to fly. I don’t want the wedding to be about me, but us.

I want to put the “we” in “wedding.” Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Have you watched “My Fair Wedding with David Tutera”? What did you think? Would you want David to refine your wedding planning?

Sorry to be so absent for the past month and a half. I haven’t been the best blogger here or my personal blog as of late. But since I’m not really planning a wedding, my appearances here pretty much correspond with how I’m feeling wedding-wise at any given moment. In short, waiting for an engagement is such a roller coaster ride. I love roller coasters but this was one that I did not want to be on.

One moment I’m feeling fine and confident in the plans and timeline the mister and I have made together. Then seemingly out of nowhere I’m feeling down and antsy and wishing we could just be married already. Usually those dips are quickly balanced by another high [usually because that is when I head back to the mister to discuss plans and timelines again - I'm so glad he's patient with me because dealing with all this maintenance must be crazy] but this last dip was a bit of a doozy.

See, I came to terms with the fact that, while I’m content with waiting seeing how our current situation does not create the good foundation every marriage needs, I am feeling the pangs of sadness, wanting and dare I say, perhaps even jealousy over the announcements of other people’s engagements and marriages.

While I was genuinely happy and excited for everyone, I wanted nothing more than to be able to experience that feeling for myself. It was really hard to see people who had been together for less than the mister and I have been getting engaged and then married while we still are unable to take that step. It is frustrating and disheartening all at once, especially when the conditions that are delaying our engagement are seemingly out of our control.

The pieces began to unravel for me pretty quickly. I was sad over an particular engagement and soon after while talking to the mister, I asked about his timeline and nearly cried when I heard it [we were on completely different wavelengths] and pretty much expressed my frustration by yelling at him about it. Well, as much as its possible to yell over instant message, so really I just pressed on the keys really, really hard.

This was the lowest I had reached and that was when I knew it was time to step away.

So I did. I haven’t really been looking at design inspiration and severely curtailed my activity on Weddingbee. I skim through the posts on my reader and comment occasionally on certain posts and maybe a board post here and there, but for the most part, I had to take a break. I just couldn’t maintain the same level of interest that I had before. Being around all those weddings and engagements were taxing and I just couldn’t fake a smile anymore. And the last thing I wanted to hear was more well-intentioned yet unwanted advice on being patient and how the engagement would “happen when it’s time.”

Stepping back was a good idea. It gave me the time I needed to decompress, release the negative energy I was holding onto and focus on what I do have going for me now [namely finishing my MBA program and finding a job]. While I’m not completely back to where I was before, I am heading back up. The mister and I had a pretty good conversation about our situation while I was visiting earlier this month which had pretty much restored my faith.

So I’m hoping that I’ll be able to ease back into blogging about my ideas and other general wedding stuff. Did I mention that I’ll be a bridesmaid next  year? I’m so excited so hopefully I”ll be able to share some of those details. I have a few good things to discuss with everyone, including my thoughts on David Tutera and watching wedding shows with the mister, which was completely endearing.

Has anyone else experienced the highs and lows of waiting for a proposal? How did you deal with it?