one of the side effects of a “lady in waiting” is the potentially damaging condition i like to call, “isthisit-itis.”
you may be suffering from “isthisit-itis” if you:
- constantly wondering if every special occasion or change in your intended’s behavior could be THE moment
- ask yourself, “is this it?” or “will he propose now?” “now? NOW?! what about now?”
- become upset, depressed, disappointed, etc when it turns out not to be the moment. can lead to anger
all joking aside, i thought i was pretty immune to “isthisit-itis.” while everyone else around us seemed liable to freak out over our lack of an engagement [it's getting quite comical...people are getting mad that it hasn't happened yet!], i know that yes, we are emotionally ready to get married [and have been for years], we’re just not situationally ready yet. i’m working on my masters, had a bit of a career setback that has me reevaluating my path and he’s still in michigan looking for work here in california. not exactly the best conditions for an engagement right?
knowing this i can easily enjoy every visit simply for what it is and not stress over whether this moment could be THE moment. when you’re waiting for a proposal, it’s quite the luxury.
however, in the days leading up to my visit, i was infected with the “isthisit-itis” bug by the boy’s best friend. i know she didn’t mean it but for a brief moment, i found myself thinking, what if this was THE trip? of course reason took over quickly because 1) we weren’t in the same state yet, 2) we need jobs, 3) he wanted to wait until i was finished with my masters program before we got married, 4) did he even ask my parents for their blessings?! if so, when did that happen?
thankfully by the time i left i had worked out all of that paranoia and settled back to enjoy my trip. not to say that i didn’t think about it while we were wandering around north campus on saturday looking for the wave field. or even thinking how maybe he would want to go to his favorite part of campus that also holds a significant meaning in our relationship.
the field [which is actually an art installation] is a really pretty area and one of my favorite places on campus. while we were sitting on a mound just taking in the sights, i did think how this would be a great place for a proposal. but then i looked over and saw my boy smiling and enjoying the warm november day [well, warm for michigan in november!] and i remembered how much i cherished just being able to spend time with him. and just like that, the “isthisit-itis” passed.
i know we’ll get married some day soon and while “some day soon” isn’t exactly something i can set my watch to [if i wore a watch] its getting closer. we do spend time talking about our wedding and future marriage and i know that he’s just as anxious as i am about getting engaged [if we had our way, we would have been married years ago]. but since we don’t get that much time together in the first place, i’m not going to let some “-itis” keep me from enjoying that time we do have.
what about you? have you fell victim to “isthisit-itis?”
in my non-planning life, i’m an avid sports fan. so avid that the boy likes to joke that when i come home, i’ll have to “wash the baseball” off of me before i can cuddle with him. how is it that the sports fanatics almost always end up with the non-fanatics?
anywho, the point of this. i was reading espn.com’s page 2 today and came across patrick hruby’s list of “20 things that make you look like a sports doofus” and was amused [and validated] when i came across this item:
7. Proposing via JumboTron
Dubious behavior: Popping the question on the big, big, big screen before 20,000 of your closest nonfriends.
Doofus factor: As tall and wide as the University of Texas’ “Godzillatron,” the second-biggest hi-def video board in the Western Hemisphere. Consider: You’re shoehorning an otherwise romantic moment into a context of chain gangs and drunken tailgating. You’re putting her on the spot in an aggressive, borderline-creepy way. You’re risking epochal failure if she says no. And for what? To make a “creative” proposal that’s actually clichéd? To live out the climax of a Drew Barrymore movie? When Karl Marx said history repeats itself — first as tragedy, then as farce — he wasn’t actually talking about JumboTron proposals. But only because televisions had yet to be invented.
Suggested solution: There’s nothing wrong with a candlelit dinner at a nice restaurant. Or skydiving.
Mitigating circumstances: If you are: (a) working as a scoreboard operator, (b) filming a scene for a Barrymore film or (c) dating the team mascot, then all bets are off.
Related behaviors: Using the team mascot to advance your romantic life in any way.
as a sports fan, i say THANK THE GOOD LORD. seriously, i’ve always been bugged by in stadium proposals. i don’t really see the inherent charm in being proposed to on a jumbotron. this is one woman’s opinion.
i told the boy that under no circumstances is he to propose to me at a sporting event. nope, no way, no how. i’m going to be to involved in the game to want to have to pay attention to something else, and usually i’m annoyed when i am bothered [though i have gotten better at that] plus i really want that moment to be just the two of us because i have a strong feeling i’m going to be a hot mess when it does happen and i don’t want to breakdown in front of several hundred strangers. no sir, not me.
and i LOVE being the center of attention.
that said, i also want to be able to enjoy the moment and i’m not going to be able to surrounded by several hundred people. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again and again, i want to relish in that moment for as long as humanely possible before revealing it to the world. i want it to be our little secret, even if only for a night.
but to each their own. some people find the stadium proposal to be perfectly utterly them and love the idea. but i think the proposal should be a reflection of the couple and since we don’t share the same level of sports enthusiam, this would be more me than anything else. i want a proposal that speaks of him as well, whatever that may be.
i don’t imagine how it’ll be. i leave that up to him and i’m sure it’ll be perfect for us.
this is actually the first piece of advice i tell all my newly engaged friends as they are embarking on that crazy train we call wedding planning.
let me regale you with a quick anecdote [according to sophia, anecdotes do not have a point…this one does]: a few years ago two of my friends from college were getting married. me being me, called them up to rsvp [my invite was eaten by the postal monster but we had talked beforehand so i knew i was invited] and asked if it would be okay if the boy came with me. of course this was before i was head over heals into the wedding blog world so i had no clue that this was actually frowned upon [which is another post in and of itself]. i didn’t beg or cry or threaten to hold my breath. i did ask several times if they wanted some time to think it over and if they were sure it was okay and if not to let me know so i could figure something else out. they assured me it was fine and how they were excited to see us and meet him. so everything is good.
fast forward to a few days before i leave to fly out, i find out that it in fact was not okay. that they felt forced into a decision and how expensive it was going to be and a litany of other “concerns” they had that weren’t really related to the wedding but more of the circumstances of our meeting.
of course this was also coupled with a misinterpretation of a blog i had written when i said i was more excited about seeing the boyfriend than anything else. totally my bad and while true [it was a different level of excitement], i know i could have written it a whole lot better than i did. we patched things up as well as we could, the boy and i attended the wedding, had a fun time, wished them well and haven’t talked since.
i say all of that to say this: if you’re approached with a request for anything, either an extra guest, another dinner option, a different decorating element, and your first inclination is to say no, than just say no. don’t say yes and then quietly be bitter about it. friendships and relationships are not worth sacrificing over one day that’s supposed to be a happy event. we’re all adults. we can handle this kind of stuff. sure it’ll be hard to find a way to nicely decline the request, but you’ll be much happier in the end.
yesterday i had the pleasure of meeting up with mrs. peeptoe and mrs. penguin of weddingbee at triple rock brewery in berkeley.
to be honest, i was a little nervous about going, considering i’m one of the few readers who aren’t engaged, but that apprehension was quickly dispelled upon meeting mrs. peep toe and fellow reader, bean. i had such a great time chatting with everyone. even pengy knew i had been a long time reader [surprisingly i think i had seniority at the table. ha! i’ve been reading since the original generation of bees [or bugs]]. we never lacked for topics and it was great learning a bit more about the hive, each other and our weddings, well, their weddings. we even bounced a few ideas off each other!
even though i met several of my friends from the internet [including the boy] it never fails to surprise me how you can create such a feeling of familiarity without really knowing the other people. and that’s what i love about weddingbee.
mrs. peep toe and mrs. penguin are just as bubbly and wonderful as their posts. i’m really glad i had a chance to meet everyone. i’m hoping we have another get together. they are tons of fun!