one of the side effects of a “lady in waiting” is the potentially damaging condition i like to call, “isthisit-itis.”
you may be suffering from “isthisit-itis” if you:
- constantly wondering if every special occasion or change in your intended’s behavior could be THE moment
- ask yourself, “is this it?” or “will he propose now?” “now? NOW?! what about now?”
- become upset, depressed, disappointed, etc when it turns out not to be the moment. can lead to anger
all joking aside, i thought i was pretty immune to “isthisit-itis.” while everyone else around us seemed liable to freak out over our lack of an engagement [it's getting quite comical...people are getting mad that it hasn't happened yet!], i know that yes, we are emotionally ready to get married [and have been for years], we’re just not situationally ready yet. i’m working on my masters, had a bit of a career setback that has me reevaluating my path and he’s still in michigan looking for work here in california. not exactly the best conditions for an engagement right?
knowing this i can easily enjoy every visit simply for what it is and not stress over whether this moment could be THE moment. when you’re waiting for a proposal, it’s quite the luxury.
however, in the days leading up to my visit, i was infected with the “isthisit-itis” bug by the boy’s best friend. i know she didn’t mean it but for a brief moment, i found myself thinking, what if this was THE trip? of course reason took over quickly because 1) we weren’t in the same state yet, 2) we need jobs, 3) he wanted to wait until i was finished with my masters program before we got married, 4) did he even ask my parents for their blessings?! if so, when did that happen?
thankfully by the time i left i had worked out all of that paranoia and settled back to enjoy my trip. not to say that i didn’t think about it while we were wandering around north campus on saturday looking for the wave field. or even thinking how maybe he would want to go to his favorite part of campus that also holds a significant meaning in our relationship.
the field [which is actually an art installation] is a really pretty area and one of my favorite places on campus. while we were sitting on a mound just taking in the sights, i did think how this would be a great place for a proposal. but then i looked over and saw my boy smiling and enjoying the warm november day [well, warm for michigan in november!] and i remembered how much i cherished just being able to spend time with him. and just like that, the “isthisit-itis” passed.
i know we’ll get married some day soon and while “some day soon” isn’t exactly something i can set my watch to [if i wore a watch] its getting closer. we do spend time talking about our wedding and future marriage and i know that he’s just as anxious as i am about getting engaged [if we had our way, we would have been married years ago]. but since we don’t get that much time together in the first place, i’m not going to let some “-itis” keep me from enjoying that time we do have.
what about you? have you fell victim to “isthisit-itis?”
Ooooh goodness. I was so ready to be engaged 8 months before I actually was, and I thought that any special/out of the ordinary trip meant it was coming. In fact, the boy psyched me out the night he proposed, but then we drove back to our town. I didn’t know it was coming, so I broke down crying thinking it’d be yet another anniversary before it happened!
Turns out he got some friends to set it up at a place closer to our apartment… so I almost ruined it! Try to stay sane during the isthisit-itis! Good luck to you!!!
-cinemaparadiso from the ‘bee!