“Can I just get you a candy sucker engagement ring and be done with it?”
The mister and I had a fairly frank discussion about our relationship the other night and he surprised me by revealing the reason why we’re not engaged yet: he doesn’t have the money he needs to buy the engagement ring he wants me to have. I was taken aback, mainly because I figured the reason we weren’t engaged yet was because of our distance.
During this discussion, he proposed the above question and informed me that I was NOT to eat the candy ring. I scoffed. I don’t NOT candy [mmm, double negative much?]. It’s physically impossible. Ask any bag of Haribo Gummi Bears if I’m capable of not eating them. Oh, you can’t. Because I already ate them. Exactly.
I did take the time to seriously think about his question. There are several types of romantic people who would be elated to receive a candy ring pop or a piece of string to stand in for their engagement ring because they just love their partner so much, all the shiny bling just doesn’t matter; it’s just the proverbial icing on the cake. After all, it is the meaning behind the words that is the most important, not some shiny bauble.
Upon further reflection, I came to realize that I am not one of those people.
I want an engagement ring.
I absolutely, positively love this man and can’t wait to hear the words he chooses when he asks me to become his wife. Sure the engagement isn’t in the ring, but it is a symbol of that commitment. I don’t care if it’s the fanciest ring, I just want a ring.
Why is it so important for me to have something that doesn’t make me any more engaged than we already are?
It’s not about having a ring to show off to company, or even one that shows the world how much he loves me, because I don’t correlate his worth to the size/price of my ring. I love and adore my promise ring. Every time I look at it, I’m reminded of the day he gave it to me [St. Patrick's Day, to be exact]. I remember helping his best friend find an interview outfit and him calling me over to browse through some rings. I remember trying it on and being pushed away so he could make the final purchase. I remember trying not to smile while he led me to the couches in the middle of the mall so we could sit. I will admit that I don’t remember exactly what he said, but that ring became a symbol of our future commitment to become husband and wife. And that is why I want an engagement ring, so when I look at it, I’ll remember the moment he asked me to become his wife, and when I look at my wedding band, I’ll remember the moment I became his wife.
That is why I want an engagement ring.
Why did you want, or not, an engagement ring?
I know I talked up my photo shoot with my photographer friend way back in February and after being quiet for two months and even though I’ve had the pictures for almost a month now, I’ve failed to deliver the goods. So before you think I’m all talk, guess what I have for you? Let’s consider this a peace gift.
So let me give you a quick back story behind the genesis of this photo shoot. During one of my Christmas visits, I noticed the mister was hovering around one of those photography studios at the mall. We’ve been together for three years at that point and we don’t have too many pictures of us and I got it in my head that if we were going to have professional pictures, we should go all out. I floated the idea to my friend, Ed Pingol, and thankfully he agreed to shoot us.
We met in downtown Benicia for our one hour session. In the beginning, it was a little weird posing and being all purposely affectionate in front of people while someone was taking our picture, but after a while you get used to it and kind of forget about the guy with the camera [no offense Eddie!]. The best thing about Eddie is he’s really personable and easy to get along with, plus, he’s pretty funny and prefers to show you how he wants you to pose instead of just telling you. That is actually my favorite part.
We had some direction during the shoot but overall, he let us move around freely within the poses. Some of my favorite pictures are those where we were joking around and talking about other random things.
Overall, it was a great day and I am so glad we now have fantastic pictures of us! This is why I always wish I could just have a photographer on staff to follow us around. I smile whenever I look at these pictures because you can really see the love we have for one another. Is that a shallow thing to say about us? I would wait for someone else to say it, but you know, I’m just not that patient. Or humble. Whatever. We love each other. So there!
I HIGHLY recommend having an engagement session with your photographer. It will help ease you into being comfortable in front of the camera [while I practically live in front of a camera, it still took me a few shots before I was fully comfortable with this set up] as well as develop a rapport with your photographer. So if you get the opportunity, definitely do it! You won’t be sorry.
How did your engagement session go? What was your favorite part? And please share a link to your favorite picture if you have any!
As I dig deeper into the wedding world as I’m researching our wedding, I’ve seen plenty of pictures and videos that have all touched my heart in one way or another, but there was one that caught me singularly off guard.
While perusing the boards on Weddingbee [of course], I happened upon a really old thread on the African American brides board where posters linked to some of their favorite weddings. I clicked on a few of them and enjoyed the beautiful pictures and then I happened upon a link to Kevin Jairai’s blog [of KJ Images] of Jennifer and Jeffrey’s wedding teasers.
I looked through the pictures and suddenly I was moved to tears. I had never experienced such an emotional reaction to a stranger’s wedding before and it took me completely off-guard. It took me a moment to realize the reason why I had such a reaction:
The groom reminds me of the mister.
And suddenly, I had an idea of how OUR wedding day would photograph. How it would look to see him for the first time all dressed up, the sight of him standing at the altar as I make my way down the aisle, our first kiss as husband and wife, and in general, how we would look at our wedding. After thinking about how our wedding would look over the past few years, I finally had a clear mental image and while it was a bit jarring at first, it makes me so much more excited for our future nuptials.
Just thinking about experiencing those small moments with him makes me smile. I can’t wait to finally be his wife.
Have you ever had an unexpected emotional reaction to someone else’s wedding photos or video?
While I was reading through Weddingbee last week, I came across this post from Miss Nachos that really resonated with me. I always like to joke about how rude life can be by tossing itself around and messing up carefully laid plans [as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry] but its important to remember that life waits for no one and will remind us of this fact whenever possible.
My reminder came just a few weeks ago: my dad passed away.
I wrote about it in a little more detail on my personal blog so I won’t get into the nitty gritty here. I will say that I am going to miss him a lot. We didn’t always get along but we did have a special relationship. Out of the three daughters, I was always the only one who could tell him what needed to be said without much argument from him. I don’t know why he only really listened to me but that was how it was with us.
He was really looking forward to attending my wedding. He was just telling the mister during his last visit in February how he was going to walk me down the aisle with a huge grin on his face and that when he handed me over to him at the altar, he would whisper, “No take backs. You’re stuck with her now.” To which I cackled maniacally and yelled, “Yup, you’re stuck with me forever!” He was talking about my wedding even during his last hospital stay, so much so the nurses and doctors started to congratulate me on an engagement that hadn’t happened yet!
I am so incredibly sad that he won’t be here to see me all dressed up, won’t be able to walk me down the aisle and won’t be able to dance with me like he promised me he would. I’m sad that he won’t be able to make a long drawn out speech during the reception. I’m sad thinking of removing his name from my invitation drafts and adding it to the “in memory” section of our programs. I’m sad that my kids won’t have a grandfather here on either side.
But life will continue. My mom will walk me down the aisle and I hope I can talk her out onto the dance floor for a mother-daughter dance. I will still celebrate my marriage with the mister and those who love us. I will smile and celebrate knowing that my dad would have wanted that for me. That even though he wasn’t able to physically be there for me on my wedding day, that he is still there in spirit and that he still loves me very much.
Because that is exactly what he wanted.