i wrote this on my personal blog but thought to share it here as well:
I am thankful for a great many things in my life:
I am thankful for my family and friends who have stood by me this year, celebrating the highs and commiserating the lows and hanging out during the times in between.
I am thankful for the love of my life and glad that I get to spend another year with him.
I am thankful for my ability to pursue a higher education once again and the new friends I am making through that program.
I am thankful for my new career path and all the exciting unknown adventures that await as I traverse it.
I am thankful for my relationship with my Heavenly Father even as I have struggled a bit with maintaining it this year, I am glad to know that He truly has my back.
I am thankful for this year because I have experienced many new things, visiting new places, eating lots of fantastic cupcakes and knowing that my wanderlust and hunger has not yet been satiated.
I am thankful to get to celebrate another Thanksgiving with my dad.
I am thankful to the wonderful, anonymous donor who gave their life so my dad could continue living his.
I am thankful for that donor’s family who graciously supported their loved one. My family is forever in your debt.
I am thankful.
so i wish you and your loved ones a very happy thanksgiving
i am a planner. i plan just about anything that can be planned. i have a file dedicated to vacations the boy and i can take one day. i started planning my 28th birthday party about a week following my 27th birthday [and can i say it was awesome!]. i’m already thinking of ideas for my 30th birthday [yes i just skipped a year]. i have planned the classes i’ll be taking for the rest of my master’s program. i am a planner. this is what i do.
there seems to be a weird taboo feeling surrounding planning or researching a wedding before you’re engaged. and in the interest of full disclosure, i was one of those people who gave the side-eye to girls who were actively planning their weddings before being engaged. i was never the type to think about weddings so i never really understood the idea of pre-planning. obviously i’ve since changed my tune but in the very early stages, while i was looking at ideas with my bestie while she was waiting for her husband to propose, i kept my researching a secret from everyone BUT the boy [i'm positive i'm incapable of keeping secrets from the boy. i told him a few days after i started looking!] because, oooh, i had become a “binder girl.” boo! hiss!
okay, another disclosure: for a few months i actually AVOIDED putting anything in a binder because i didn’t want to become a “binder girl.” lame, i know.
but i don’t think researching is totally a bad thing. it depends on the girl. our case isn’t one where i have planned a wedding with every guy i’ve ever been interested in. or one where the boy was completely unaware that i was planning. or even one where i haven’t talked about marriage with the boy or been told to stop planning. the boy and i have had that talk: we both discussed this relationship being The One [we had been talking about that and marriage since our second month together], we discuss marriage, where we’re going to live [this is an ongoing conversation], have gone ring shopping, and talk about aspects of what we want for our weddings. we’ve discussed ring budgets and savings accounts [oh, so i've been saving for the weddening as well. i'll write about that in another post]. we’re just not in the position to get married at this moment but he is fully supportive of my researching because he knows just how happy i get about planning things.
plus, i feel confident in my ability to keep things in perspective. i take a step away from researching whenever i start to feel overwhelmed or whenever i just need a break because i get bored [i get bored often]. it doesn’t occupy my every thought nor conversation. researching our future wedding doesn’t make me weird or abnormal and i don’t think anyone should make someone feel that way either. i don’t think i’m putting an inordinate amount of focus on one day…to be honest i’m more excited about being married to my best friend than anything else, but did you see the amount of planning that’s involved here? this is like the super bowl or world series for planners!
so why am i researching pre-engagement?
1. i’m a planner. duh.
i enjoy researching every single detail and figuring things out. it makes me happy. seriously, it does. i get a real thrill out of finding a way to recreate the perfect idea. not only that, but i tend to make things a lot more complicated than they need to be by researching every single apsect of a project and that takes time. a lot of time. i’m kind of a nerd like that.
2. we’ll be on a really short timeline.
the boy has always been vocal about how he doesn’t want a long engagement. in fact, he’s on the record of saying that he wants us to be married within 6 months of us moving together. and the six months is longer than he would like. during this last visit he told me that he wants us to be married within 3 months of the proposal. so…you know. while we plan on having two ceremonies [a civil ceremony just for the two of us and then a larger party with family and friends], ideally i’d like to have both within the same calendar year. in order to accomplish this, a lot of coordination will be needed and i’ll have to hit the ground running.
3. i want to do a lot of the details myself.
i love details. i spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about details. not only that, but i am intent on creating a lot of the details myself in an effort to save some money. so between the stationary [save the dates, invites, thank you notes, etc], ceremony decor, centerpieces, personal flowers, et al, i need the time to plan out those elements, find out which is the most cost effective approach [yes, i have priced every one of my potential diy projects], the most efficient way to create them and have options for the boy to choose from if he doesn’t like my first choice. i don’t joke around when i plan.
4. i want to enjoy the engagement period
i have watched many of my friends plan their weddings and saw just how stressed they were in the process. between figuring out what needs to be done, which vendors to choose to do them, and dealing with life and family, by the time their weddings rolled around they were one gigantic ball of nerves and stress. i did not want that to happen for myself.
5. planning a wedding is overwhelming
many people have said just how overwhelmed they felt when they began planning their wedding. there is just so much information and inspiration to discover, digest, and decide to use. there are numerous vendors to narrow down and sometimes it’s enough to stop most people cold in their tracks. it’s nice to be able to take a leisurely stroll through this planning stage and start to get the lay of the land.
the plans i’m gathering now are not the final details of our day. i intend on sharing what i’ve gathered with the boy and discussing it together once we get engaged [he has deferred until we're engaged before looking through the binder] and planning the second reception together. he is wholly responsible for planning our first marriage ceremony because it requires much less coordination than the second ceremony, so i guess you can say that technically i’m not really planning our wedding. hmm, what an interesting wrinkle.
whether you’re engaged and actively planning or just taking a look around to see what’s up before the proposal, i think the wedding world is large enough for everyone.
did you plan before your engagement? or did you wait?
one of the side effects of a “lady in waiting” is the potentially damaging condition i like to call, “isthisit-itis.”
you may be suffering from “isthisit-itis” if you:
- constantly wondering if every special occasion or change in your intended’s behavior could be THE moment
- ask yourself, “is this it?” or “will he propose now?” “now? NOW?! what about now?”
- become upset, depressed, disappointed, etc when it turns out not to be the moment. can lead to anger
all joking aside, i thought i was pretty immune to “isthisit-itis.” while everyone else around us seemed liable to freak out over our lack of an engagement [it's getting quite comical...people are getting mad that it hasn't happened yet!], i know that yes, we are emotionally ready to get married [and have been for years], we’re just not situationally ready yet. i’m working on my masters, had a bit of a career setback that has me reevaluating my path and he’s still in michigan looking for work here in california. not exactly the best conditions for an engagement right?
knowing this i can easily enjoy every visit simply for what it is and not stress over whether this moment could be THE moment. when you’re waiting for a proposal, it’s quite the luxury.
however, in the days leading up to my visit, i was infected with the “isthisit-itis” bug by the boy’s best friend. i know she didn’t mean it but for a brief moment, i found myself thinking, what if this was THE trip? of course reason took over quickly because 1) we weren’t in the same state yet, 2) we need jobs, 3) he wanted to wait until i was finished with my masters program before we got married, 4) did he even ask my parents for their blessings?! if so, when did that happen?
thankfully by the time i left i had worked out all of that paranoia and settled back to enjoy my trip. not to say that i didn’t think about it while we were wandering around north campus on saturday looking for the wave field. or even thinking how maybe he would want to go to his favorite part of campus that also holds a significant meaning in our relationship.
the field [which is actually an art installation] is a really pretty area and one of my favorite places on campus. while we were sitting on a mound just taking in the sights, i did think how this would be a great place for a proposal. but then i looked over and saw my boy smiling and enjoying the warm november day [well, warm for michigan in november!] and i remembered how much i cherished just being able to spend time with him. and just like that, the “isthisit-itis” passed.
i know we’ll get married some day soon and while “some day soon” isn’t exactly something i can set my watch to [if i wore a watch] its getting closer. we do spend time talking about our wedding and future marriage and i know that he’s just as anxious as i am about getting engaged [if we had our way, we would have been married years ago]. but since we don’t get that much time together in the first place, i’m not going to let some “-itis” keep me from enjoying that time we do have.
what about you? have you fell victim to “isthisit-itis?”
i was hoping to finish a post on planning before an engagement but i wasn’t able to finish as it’s been a hectic week, but i promise i’ll work on it!
in the meantime, i’m getting ready to head out to see my lovely boy! i leave tomorrow morning and i can’t wait. it’s been a few many months since our last visit so i’m looking forward to finally seeing him again after all this time. do you know how long a few many months are? A LOT. i can’t wait for the day that we are together and the longest we’ll be apart is a work day. le sigh.
so have fun ladies while i’m pray that i still have those coping skills that made it possible for my native californian self to survive michigan’s late falls/early winters. i did it for four years; i should be able to last 5 days.
i am such a weather wimp.