this is actually the first piece of advice i tell all my newly engaged friends as they are embarking on that crazy train we call wedding planning.
let me regale you with a quick anecdote [according to sophia, anecdotes do not have a point…this one does]: a few years ago two of my friends from college were getting married. me being me, called them up to rsvp [my invite was eaten by the postal monster but we had talked beforehand so i knew i was invited] and asked if it would be okay if the boy came with me. of course this was before i was head over heals into the wedding blog world so i had no clue that this was actually frowned upon [which is another post in and of itself]. i didn’t beg or cry or threaten to hold my breath. i did ask several times if they wanted some time to think it over and if they were sure it was okay and if not to let me know so i could figure something else out. they assured me it was fine and how they were excited to see us and meet him. so everything is good.
fast forward to a few days before i leave to fly out, i find out that it in fact was not okay. that they felt forced into a decision and how expensive it was going to be and a litany of other “concerns” they had that weren’t really related to the wedding but more of the circumstances of our meeting.
of course this was also coupled with a misinterpretation of a blog i had written when i said i was more excited about seeing the boyfriend than anything else. totally my bad and while true [it was a different level of excitement], i know i could have written it a whole lot better than i did. we patched things up as well as we could, the boy and i attended the wedding, had a fun time, wished them well and haven’t talked since.
i say all of that to say this: if you’re approached with a request for anything, either an extra guest, another dinner option, a different decorating element, and your first inclination is to say no, than just say no. don’t say yes and then quietly be bitter about it. friendships and relationships are not worth sacrificing over one day that’s supposed to be a happy event. we’re all adults. we can handle this kind of stuff. sure it’ll be hard to find a way to nicely decline the request, but you’ll be much happier in the end.