Up, down, and all around

Hello, is anyone still here?

Sorry to be so absent for the past month and a half. I haven’t been the best blogger here or my personal blog as of late. But since I’m not really planning a wedding, my appearances here pretty much correspond with how I’m feeling wedding-wise at any given moment. In short, waiting for an engagement is such a roller coaster ride. I love roller coasters but this was one that I did not want to be on.

One moment I’m feeling fine and confident in the plans and timeline the mister and I have made together. Then seemingly out of nowhere I’m feeling down and antsy and wishing we could just be married already. Usually those dips are quickly balanced by another high [usually because that is when I head back to the mister to discuss plans and timelines again - I'm so glad he's patient with me because dealing with all this maintenance must be crazy] but this last dip was a bit of a doozy.

See, I came to terms with the fact that, while I’m content with waiting seeing how our current situation does not create the good foundation every marriage needs, I am feeling the pangs of sadness, wanting and dare I say, perhaps even jealousy over the announcements of other people’s engagements and marriages.

While I was genuinely happy and excited for everyone, I wanted nothing more than to be able to experience that feeling for myself. It was really hard to see people who had been together for less than the mister and I have been getting engaged and then married while we still are unable to take that step. It is frustrating and disheartening all at once, especially when the conditions that are delaying our engagement are seemingly out of our control.

The pieces began to unravel for me pretty quickly. I was sad over an particular engagement and soon after while talking to the mister, I asked about his timeline and nearly cried when I heard it [we were on completely different wavelengths] and pretty much expressed my frustration by yelling at him about it. Well, as much as its possible to yell over instant message, so really I just pressed on the keys really, really hard.

This was the lowest I had reached and that was when I knew it was time to step away.

So I did. I haven’t really been looking at design inspiration and severely curtailed my activity on Weddingbee. I skim through the posts on my reader and comment occasionally on certain posts and maybe a board post here and there, but for the most part, I had to take a break. I just couldn’t maintain the same level of interest that I had before. Being around all those weddings and engagements were taxing and I just couldn’t fake a smile anymore. And the last thing I wanted to hear was more well-intentioned yet unwanted advice on being patient and how the engagement would “happen when it’s time.”

Stepping back was a good idea. It gave me the time I needed to decompress, release the negative energy I was holding onto and focus on what I do have going for me now [namely finishing my MBA program and finding a job]. While I’m not completely back to where I was before, I am heading back up. The mister and I had a pretty good conversation about our situation while I was visiting earlier this month which had pretty much restored my faith.

So I’m hoping that I’ll be able to ease back into blogging about my ideas and other general wedding stuff. Did I mention that I’ll be a bridesmaid next  year? I’m so excited so hopefully I”ll be able to share some of those details. I have a few good things to discuss with everyone, including my thoughts on David Tutera and watching wedding shows with the mister, which was completely endearing.

Has anyone else experienced the highs and lows of waiting for a proposal? How did you deal with it?