While I was reading through Weddingbee last week, I came across this post from Miss Nachos that really resonated with me. I always like to joke about how rude life can be by tossing itself around and messing up carefully laid plans [as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry] but its important to remember that life waits for no one and will remind us of this fact whenever possible.
My reminder came just a few weeks ago: my dad passed away.
I wrote about it in a little more detail on my personal blog so I won’t get into the nitty gritty here. I will say that I am going to miss him a lot. We didn’t always get along but we did have a special relationship. Out of the three daughters, I was always the only one who could tell him what needed to be said without much argument from him. I don’t know why he only really listened to me but that was how it was with us.
He was really looking forward to attending my wedding. He was just telling the mister during his last visit in February how he was going to walk me down the aisle with a huge grin on his face and that when he handed me over to him at the altar, he would whisper, “No take backs. You’re stuck with her now.” To which I cackled maniacally and yelled, “Yup, you’re stuck with me forever!” He was talking about my wedding even during his last hospital stay, so much so the nurses and doctors started to congratulate me on an engagement that hadn’t happened yet!
I am so incredibly sad that he won’t be here to see me all dressed up, won’t be able to walk me down the aisle and won’t be able to dance with me like he promised me he would. I’m sad that he won’t be able to make a long drawn out speech during the reception. I’m sad thinking of removing his name from my invitation drafts and adding it to the “in memory” section of our programs. I’m sad that my kids won’t have a grandfather here on either side.
But life will continue. My mom will walk me down the aisle and I hope I can talk her out onto the dance floor for a mother-daughter dance. I will still celebrate my marriage with the mister and those who love us. I will smile and celebrate knowing that my dad would have wanted that for me. That even though he wasn’t able to physically be there for me on my wedding day, that he is still there in spirit and that he still loves me very much.
Because that is exactly what he wanted.
I’m so sorry. It’s been a tough week here and although on my end it wasn’t my dad, it was a close friend’s mom that I knew and loved. You are strong and brave, and life has a funny way of throwing us for a loop. Your dad will be there in spirit and although it’s a tough time, savor every moment of your wedding. I’ll be thinking about you